Tutu or Not Tutu?

Day 211 - 8:49am, 31 July 2019

Little Miss has been watching an episode of The Simpsons.in which Lisa becomes a ballerina. Suddenly, Little Miss has decided that she too was made to be a ballerina and that she should be having lessons. This is the same girl that each week during term time goes to two gymnastic classes, two trampoline classes and an acro dance class, and who used to do a ballet class but gave it up because, according to her, she hated it. She's also in Edinburgh's junior gang show this year, which means another afternoon gone for rehearsals.

Much as I want to encourage her - she is flexible, graceful and has a natural rhythm - a line has to be drawn. So, I've pointed out that she doesn't have space in her schedule to and re-directed her back to YouTube. My hope is that it has enough free classes on it to keep her going until she realises there's a difference between talent and hard work, and unless she is prepared to combine the pair of them, her future as a ballerina is doomed. However, I suspect by the time she returns to school she will have forgotten all about it. But maybe, I'll wipe that episode of The Simpsons, just to be sure.

All Grown Up

Day 210 - 2:53pm, 30 July 2019

Little Miss (8) announced after tea that she wants to get pregnant as a child. Daddy explained that she couldn't, and even if she could, the baby would be put into care and the daddy would be put in prison because you weren't allowed to have one as a child. This leads her to her asking how do you have a baby. Quick as a flash, Little Master (9) announces, "You have lots of sex!" So shutting down that avenue before he can fill in any further gaps, he proceeds to dispense advice on the life steps she needs to take before she should think about having a child . . . get a job . . . buy a house . . . etc. Little Mister counters with the fact she already has a house. When she is put right as to whose house it is and that she would need her own, she is aghast. Suddenly, being grown up doesn't sound quite as appealing as she was hoping it would be.

Resonance

Day 209 - 6:50pm, 29 July 2019

I listen to part of a John Goldman video in which he talks about sound as the original creative force - "in the beginning was the Word" - and indeed many creation stories from different traditions that suggest that you bring something into being by speaking its name, of creation through sound. And God SAID . . . Even the scientists' BIG BANG has sound in there.

It's not something I've ever thought about. I am not a big music fan, so I guess for me sound generally serves a functional purpose - listening to what others are saying, knowing when traffic is approaching as I cross the road. That sort of thing. I seldom assume it has any particular creative intent behind it, though oration and spoken poetry being obvious exceptions.

Sound is intrinsic to everyday life, something that I am never more acutely aware of than when I have a migraine and every sound, no matter how small, spears me to my core. If sound is all around us, then creation too must be all around us. Every sound has the promise of something more, of new beginnings, of a new world, but only if we have the ears to hear it.

On the Sofa

Day 208 - 7:37pm, 28 July 2019

Today might just about count as my laziest day ever. I got up to see to the online grocery shop arriving, helped put it away and then spent the remainder of the day curled up on the sofa, apart from finally going to take my picture at the bridge over the Water of Leith after tea. I've maxed out at an unheard of 3,500 odd steps.

Do I feel more rested because of it? More raring to go and get stuck into all the housework and administration that needs dealing with? Probably not. But I know it's what I needed for today and I am grateful for a family that let's me do it every once in a while. It's helped me understand how hubby must feel when I am booking his calendar out, when all he wants to do is retreat to his desk. Will it stop me from arranging things? Again, probably not, but I hope I will be a bit more understanding of his point of view before I do sign us up to things.

Low Flying Clouds

Day 207 - 8:44am, 27 July 2019

Does anyone else hold romantic notions of family days out? Of how wonderfully relaxing, stress-free and brimming with happiness the whole day is going to be? This is so me at the point I sign up to something, meaning I can genuinely look forward to it for weeks before the event. Then, on the day, around about the time we are trying to marshall the troops out the door, I suddenly remember the full horror of what is likely to lie ahead. 

And I freely admit, I'm as much to blame for this as the kids. First off, I don't do well with crowds. I never have. Having to keep your eye on three kids, one of whom is autistic and more susceptible to either wandering off or getting lost because he is in his own wee world, terrifies me. The busier it is, the bigger the crowds, the more on-alert I am. And with your nerves nicely fried, that's when sensory bombardment, in the form of loud music and flashing lights, is the tipping point.

Today we visited the National Airshow at East Fortune. The day was punctuated with crowds and loud noises, lots of hanging around waiting for planes - half of which were cancelled due to the low cloud - and not knowing what we were doing. But, we made it through, bumps and all, and really the worse thing to happen was Little Miss' spectacularly muddy bum when she slipped down a grassy mound. On the plus side, Little Master got his photo taken with Darth Vader and bumped into a friend. Little Mister shot an airgun and saw his friend too. And Little Miss loved the giant, bouncy slide. Daddy even got to see a plane or two.

Was it a success? Yes, I think it was. We took three children and brought them back without major injury. And I have a full year to recover should we think about taking them again. Plenty time for my head to edit out any of the wobbles along the way and for me to take a note of when the advance booking line opens for 2020.

Out of Step

Day 206 - 6:59pm, 26 July 2019

Peak tourist season is fast approaching. I can measure its proximity by how long it takes me to travel home from work. On average, the bus should take between twenty to thirty minutes and as the buses should be every ten to fifteen minutes, we are usually looking at a journey of forty-five minutes all told.

Today, it took seventy minutes. I thought I was being smart by hopping on a bus up to Princes Street to catch the bus from there, but with no buses due within the next ten minutes and the queue snaking out long beyond the shelter, I opt to round the corner to the Mound, where I can also get a bus from. Turns out, I must have just missed it, so I start to walk. I stop frequently, either to check the bus trackers at the bus stops or more often because of the tourists idling on the pavements. I breathe a sigh of relief when I leave them behind me and arrive at Tollcross. 

My bus woes are not over. Having left the Mound with the next bus due in 13 minutes, I arrive at Tollcross having shaved a minute off the waiting time. I decide there is no point walking further, it won't gain me access to any other bus routes so I wait it out. The bus that comes is crowded and I have to stand. I wish now that I had walked the whole way, it would have taken the same length of time. 

Next week I may have no choice but to walk. With the buses due to go on strike on Friday to coincide with the start of the Fringe, I could well be making the journey on foot both ways. Let's hope that headphones and an interesting podcast will be enough to drown out my frustration.

Hot or Cold?

Day 205 - 08:11am, 25 July 2019

It's officially the hottest day in Edinburgh ever and I miss all but a few minutes of it. While the kids and Daddy are at home, creating a mud bath in the back garden, I am in the office literally shivering, thanks to over-enthusiastic air conditioning belting through the ducts over our bank of desks. I nip out briefly at lunchtime to pick up a few messages, get the bus home and by the time I go to Bodybalance at the gym, it is warm but not unbearable. That is the full extent of my sun exposure for the day. What I take away from this is a reminder there's a difference between being somewhere and experiencing something. By not engaging in Edinburgh's hottest day ever, the hottest day didn't happen for me. I wonder what else in life this applies to?

Being Practical

Day 204 - 9:27am, 24 July 2019

A trip to the shops is a necessary evil this afternoon, so to sugar coat it and to wean the kids off their screens, we offer them a drink in a cafe as a part of the package. Eldest is not interested and, because we are trying to promote his independence, we accept this. Middle son says no, mainly because eldest has, but we don't afford him the same freedom. He is coming whether he likes it or not. Youngest is already working out what she is going to have when she gets there.

I take my shopping trolley with me. I may look like your granny, but if it means I can bring home the groceries without having to stop every few yards to rearrange the heavily-weighted bags, then I'm sorry, I'm all for it. Comfort trumps looking cool every time. It reminds me of a colleague's comment the other day when she was slipping out of her trainers (not considered proper business attire in this office) into a pair of 'sensible shoes'. She quipped, "I'm all about the comfort these days." I responded to the tune that I always was, but it makes me sad to think that being practical should somehow be seen as lesser than looking the part.

Paying Out

Day 203 - 9:15pm, 23 July 2019

It’s the hottest day of the year so far and when offered the chance of going anywhere and doing anything, the kids have opted for laser quest. Not just indoors, but industrial never-see-the-light-of-day indoors. I’ve left them to it and so am passing time in reception awaiting their return. I know they are doing okay because the leaderboard updates in real time. Your Nan has scored hundreds in seconds, Nboy is a respectable second and the others are somewhere in the middle. A Toilet has yet to land a bullet.

Off to my left is the arcade, a smorgasbord of flashing neon breakdancing across my peripheral vision and a seascape of sound crashing along my ear canals.

I can see the attraction, but not feel it. My eyes are hooked just as my ears are repelled by it. It brings back memories of childhood summers - rolling 2p coins ceremoniously into a machine in the hope of dislodging the already gathered throng. We never hit the jackpot, but then I guess we never needed to.

Yet to Spark Joy

Day 202 - 08:02am, 22 July 2019

Monday morning and oh how soon. I wish it was still the weekend. It wasn't that I didn't achieve anything at the weekend, it's just that I feel I should have got through more than I did. I read an article that said that there was to be a Marie Kondo for kids released later this year. I most definitely will be buying this and Santa will be instructed to put it in Little Miss' stocking.

In Perspective

Day 201 - 12:56pm, 21 July 2019

Little Miss set off on her sleepover shortly after Little Miss arrived home from his. Little Mister was at home both days. Bless him! A few years ago, even a year ago, that situation would be unbearable for his autistic little soul. But this weekend, he has been quite sanguine regarding it. Instead, he is focused on his upcoming play date on Tuesday. Some might see it as a small step, but for me the difference is huge. It means that he is learning to gain some perspective by being able to see beyond this particular moment in time. That's huge. I am proud for all he has achieved and will go on achieving.