Finding A Way Through

Day Four - 2:17pm, 4 January 2019

As I approach the spot today, I am faced with a dilemma. There are two people on the bridge looking over, and one is standing right against the slimming club advert. Do I: a) stand on the bridge and take the photo from a slightly different spot, b) carry on past them, walk round the corner for a bit and hope they go by the time I return, c) turn around and come back later today or d) only very briefly (and not seriously) considered I might add, push the lady out the way and take my picture from my usual spot. In slowing slightly, my dilemma solves itself. The no 34 bus approaches and they may their way to the bus stop to board. The bridge is mine!

The water appears to be flowing faster today. I love how it rushes under the bridge from the right and then as the two flows meet and converge, how quickly it becomes still again. It's as if the right side has been desperate to be re-united with her mate and as soon as she is she can be at peace.

I am NOT at peace. I am late to visit today because I decided to combine this with a trip to the shops to return items. Only I couldn't find the receipt and so I spend the next four hours trying to find it by clearing the mountain of detritus that has been accumulating between the bed and the bookcase. After four hours, with little mini outposts created round the house of objects to be returned to their rightful homes, I have had enough and I seek sanctuary at the Water.

But I know I must get back to it. I have come too far to cave in now, I must see the job through. Back in the bedroom, it is the first time in many months that there is no after hours assault course to be navigated to get to the toilet. But there is still no receipt. I give in and turn to clear the bed. On the bed is the first receipt I looked at this morning. Resisting the urge to dump what is on the bed back onto the floor, I look at the receipt again to see if it can proceed swiftly to the recycling bin. It can't, it has the very coat on it that I have been looking for. All day. I laugh, mainly to ward off any temptation to cry. 

After a day's tumult of self-loathing and despondency at how far from I have fallen from how I imagine it should be, it is not just a piece of paper I have found, but a way through. I have cleared a little bit of my soul and for this moment, at least, I am at peace.